Fear is an asshole. Its Goliath stomping around, exclaiming his capabilities, & keeping an entire army at bay with threats of what will happen to the individual who dares challenge him. Fear is looking to keep you feeling cozy where you are and limit your potential. And even though it’s been said countless times, let’s make it countless+1… Fear is a fucking liar. Just know that it’s not only dispensing little white lies & it doesn’t even stop at outlandish claims; its strongest assets are the lies of omission. Because what Goliath is leaving out, is that he can barely see, he’s slow as a drunk three-toed sloth, and his joints are crippling him with pain. Goliath. Is. Afraid. Of. YOU.
Talking with a client, circa 2008. She (let’s call her Ass Kicker, because, well… it’s accurate) was a young professional (late 20s) going through a reinvention of herself and it was an amazing transformation to behold. With each week, AK was gaining new skills, sharpening what she had, and her confidence was soaring! The topic of conversation on this day was “strange things you see at your job”. Undoubtedly, anyone who hears this subject will have something to contribute. Every profession has moments with people that leave you scratching your head. I’m positive that at least one memory erupted from your life & brought a smile to your face (or possibly another expression.) The common ones in gyms are: insane physical attempts in the name of “functional training”, people with creepy stalker vibes, and ridiculous bathroom/lockerroom activities. We were countering back and forth on what we’d seen & riding the pendulum between laughing & cringing. By this point, I had been working professionally as a Trainer/Coach for about 7 years but had been in gyms consistently since 1989 so I had my share of offerings. After a few rounds, I threw down an observation that perplexed me long before fitness was my profession. Something I was sure would freak her out, as it had me; No matter what time you go to the gym, someone WILL be sitting in their car in the parking lot. It doesn’t matter if it’s 6 PM or 1 AM, someone is there… waiting… ALWAYS. I sat back and waited for the, “Wow, what do you think they’re doing?” that I had come to expect when I shared this information. But her response was different & unexpected.
AK: “Do you want to know what they’re doing? At least some of them?”
Me: “… Ummm, SURE! What are you thinking.”
AK: **Calmly & confidently** “I’m not thinking, I know. That was me, at least 3 days a week for 2 months before I joined here. I would have my bag ready in my car, packed with gym clothes, drive straight here from work and sit in the parking lot trying to get myself to walk in the door.”
Me: “…” **Fucking FLOORED**
For almost 20 years, 7 of which my profession was “helping people change their lives”, I was walking past people on the threshold of a life-changing step & I was completely unaware. I couldn’t stop thinking about this over the next few days. It was kinda “existential-crisisy”. But what could I have done? Even if I was aware, I can’t take responsibility for anyone else’s actions. We’re all the authors of our own story, however bold or cautiously we chose to write it but outside influences are absolutely real. Everyone needs the occasional nudge in the right direction to grow and NO ONE can lay claim to actually being self-made. Hard work and disciplined decision making absolutely play a role, luck is certainly a factor however, I think the biggest contributor to true growth is the fear/comfort zone balance.
“Find out what you’re afraid of and go live there.” — Chuck Palahniuk
Fear is a universal truth. People fear the unknown. Yet even with-in that statement lies the solution… get to know what you fear. Face it head-on & learn about yourself. With the above example of Ass Kicker, you wouldn’t have imagined her being afraid of being in the gym because of the image I painted of her. But it’s the image I held of her because it’s the image she put out there in spite of what she was feeling! She later admitted that she was intimidated by me when we were first introduced and even said, “It’s part of the reason I signed up for training with you; I was committed to getting outside of my comfort zone.” Who would have thought that my ugly face would be my money-maker!?! But seriously, the lesson here: lean in the next time you feel fear.
“Everything you desire is on the other side of fear”. -George Addair
So where to start? A few years ago, Tim Ferriss popularized the “Comfort Zone Challenge”. This challenge advocates you do something in public that stands out from the norm, doesn’t harm anyone, and you can’t provide the explanation of “I’m doing a challenge.” Stuff like asking for a 10% discount every time you buy something or laying down on the floor for 10 seconds when waiting in line. And if someone asks why, you reply, “I just felt like it.”
Sounds easy, right? Go do it. Today. And don’t bring a “watch me do this” friend. That’s cheating. I’ve done this level of challenge often & my heart rate still bumps up a bit. If you’re reading this in a public place; coffee shop, work, etc… try it now. Lay down for 10 seconds and don’t offer an explanation. If you’re at work you can forward this article around your office the next day, or the next week if you can hold out that long. I’ll let you in on a little secret; It’s REALLY weird if no one asks you why.
The point of drills like these is to strengthen your resolve the way exercise strengthens muscles; So when you need courage, you’ll have some in reserve and you can muster the bravery to do what needs to be done. Having said that, when a pivotal point arises that’s an actual life-changing situation, stack the deck in your favor. So if you’re looking to join the gym this would be the time to deploy the “watch me do this” friend. It’s not cheating in this case, it’s called the buddy system, or building your tribe, or teamwork, or whatever. Just get the job done & call it a win.
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not the absence of fear.” – Mark Twain.
Are their jerks in the gym? Yup, just like real life. And just like real life, those jerks are jerks because something in their life sucks. You should feel sorry for them. And just like in real life, there is a diverse group of really great people in the gym. You may even want to consider that you’re guilty of judgment if you deny this. You can’t gauge all the people here based on your worst expectation of who you might meet. If you’re afraid of being judged by EVERYONE for walking in here & think that no one will be supportive, then that’s hypocrisy on your part. There are ROCKSTAR-level-great-people here that your life will be better for you knowing, and theirs will be better for knowing you. Stop letting fear lie to you by telling you that you don’t belong here.
I’ll leave you with one more pro-courage quote to consider next time you feel fear creeping in:
“If you haven’t shit your pants at least once in your adult life, you’re not trying hard enough.” -Brandon Mancine
